Weather in My Head

Just between you and me, it’s been a bad weather week in my head

smooth-weather in my head-person dissolve PIXABAY no attribution

It’s another one of those days.
Today I’ve been tired since I got up
tired in the shower.
My head started aching soon after
threatening to become a migraine.
It did.

 “The fog comes in on little cat feet…” [Carl Sandburg]

Nothing gentle or stealthy when my fog comes in.
Another one of those mornings I wake up exhausted – more than when I went to bed
(too late) last night.

The pain started in my head, migraine on the horizon, taunting me.
I roll over in bed with the alarm. Head spins.
I get dressed and showered        
(Oh. No it’s the other way around)

If I don’t, I’ll be lost.

Rush not to be late but will leave too late anyway.
It’s the day I take the subway one stop too far.
Forget and get lost getting to where I go every Saturday.

Achilles. Walk around the reservoir. I want to do it alone.
Really I don’t know what I want.
But my guide is gentle – coming with me and with another guide [two for one]

I need to be in my own cocoon. Ear buds on, silent.
slowly slowly slowly trying to walk away the fog.
Be present.
My guides watch. 

They walk with me watching out for something whatever it is
My fog can be stormy, I can lose sight, lost
The murmur of their voices behind me
Talking to each other. But watching…

“Do you want me to warn you of dips in the road?”

“No… only if I’m walking into a moving vehicle.
“There may be tears but don’t ask me why” I say.

Unseen vaguely heard. They have my back
But I know they are there. I am not alone.

I will not go one stop too far.

Exhausted, I climb into the bus home –
head aches on the horizon return with a vengeance.
half a pill. and sleep
Yes, a pill.
a pain pill that also makes me sleep.
Because I can’t stay awake or anything but close my eyes
feel my head sharp and hurtful.

Tears and at a loss. What now?
I don’t know.

I do know it is a week of bad weather – weather I know too well

I forget, from one minute knowing and a second past.
What did I mean to do? to say?
Where is whatever it was I am looking for?

At least I remember to write this down.
At least I remember to tell you.

Laurie R.